Personal Blog

Tomorrow I'm embarking on my epic journey through Scotland. I am worried about stuff, but I'm trying not to. The biggest thing that I worry about is the room reservations. I hope no problem is going to arrise from those. A tiny thing that could present a problem is the last night in Edinburgh. The B&B says that check-out is after 7am, but that is when my plane leaves. I couldn't get a later plane, because I have to change in London and the plane to Hungary leaves quite early. So I have to leave the place around 5am. I'll discuss it with the people there once I'm there. Hopefully we'll be able to come to some sort of an agreement about it. If not, then I'm not sure what I'll do. Maybe get a night at the Euro Hostel or something. I'll talk to them when I get there and if there's a problem, I can still look for a solution. It's just one night, after all.

I started to on Yahoo. I used to on another site before, but it only allows 20 posts and deletes the previous ones. I like reading back my own blog, so I copied all of them here. Most of them are not visible, but I guess some of them are going to be. A week from now I'm going to be in Scotland. Can't wait, but I'm getting really nervous. Today I realised I gained some weight. I hate it. I eat salads all the time and hate them. I started to wait until I'm starving, because only then can I get myself to eat that @%+!+!. I also started to eat hamlet for breakfast and dinner today. What fun. For breakfast I have some frozen berries and I mix that with some milk for a milkshake. I can't have regular milk, only lactose-free, so no regular yoghurts or anything like that.

Still hate online dating. No replies to anything I send out. There were two guys who sent messages to me. One gave me a bad feeling when looking at his picture. I usually have good gut instinct, so I staid away from that one. The second one was in Győr, which is far from Budapest. I would not like to date someone who doesn't live in the area, so I gave that a pass too. Thus, no luck. I'm frustrated now and feel like just not bothering with the whole thing anymore. I read the Sookie Stackhouse novels. All 10 of them. I think/hope that there are going to be more. It was really great. The books are not overly long or drawn out. Action all the way. Really exciting. It has romance and mystery as well. Eric is my favourite. In the TV series the actor who plays him is gorgeous. He was naked from behind in the season premiere and my fantasies stared him ever since. Seriously, everyone should see that. Tall, blond, muscular, ... drool. Anyway, they are really fun, easy-to-read vam...

Last night I was reminded why I hate online dating. I sent out 3 messages based on 3 profiles. Of course, that was hard to begin with. Everyone wants a girl under 65kg. I happen to be 70kg. I have been trying to lose to at least that weight for forever, but it's just not happening. I eat really little. Salads and vegies most of the time. True, I don't really work out, but it just bores me so much. I have to keep my mind occupied. So I sent out my 3 messages. Two came back with "You're probably a nice girl, but..." I think they copied those out from some sort of a manual. I resent that, I'm not nice. I just seem nice. They were probably looking for someone prettier and thinner. The 3rd one sent me back in Japanese, looked up from some silly site "I want to ... into your mouth". I'm just writing it like that so no one gets offended. I won't repeat the Japanese. Why would a guy even look that up, let alone write it to a girl?! I think ...

I wrote here such a long time ago. So in the wake of my loneliness, I registered on a dating site. I got a few mails, but didn't meet any of them. I even got one "I'll support you in return for sex" mails. I actually thought about it, but that's not what I'm really looking for. Not that I couldn't use some money, but I want marriage and kids. I saw a Japanese show with omiai, and wish they had that here. It would be so nice to have dates like that set up for me. This weekend I'm planing on looking around and sending out some mails myself. I also want to change my description there. So maybe my efforts will pay off. ARASHI has a new song out, Monster. Only a live video of it for now, they say the PV will come out on the 19th. Can't wait, the song is great, dance video, great coreo. I'm thinking about making a Hungarian ARASHI site. There aren't really good ones out there. I finished Bioshock 1. I still liked the 2nd one better, it ...

It all started with the Hungarian community portal IWIW sending me some notes about mails I got there. They were just stupid chain mails, but since I had some time, I went to delete them. Then it occured to me to have a look at my old high school classmates, who I have in a group there. This year is the 10th anniversary of my graduation from there, so soon enough someone should start organising a get-together. If no one steps up until April, I'll start sending mails myself. So as I was looking at them, I noticed that quite a few names changed. We were an almost all girls class, so their names changed, because they got married. About 5 from the ones who I had there and were visibly married. Since there were only 14 in my class, that is quite a high number. And here I am, not even hoping to ever get married, or even be in a relationship. Coincidentally, two girls here started to talk about marriage and kids, I just had to join them. Then this guy brings in his two kids...

I guess I'm just in one of my moods. Sometimes it happens. Usually around the time when my body becomes fertile, so I'm blaming the hormones. Most women take pills to control their cycles, but I don't, so now I can just feel my body calling out to someone. It does feel strange, this longing. Especially to someone like me, who strives to be in control of her body all the time. I wasn't always like this. Now I feel emotionally shut off from the world most of the time, relying on my mind. I do remember times when I was a much warmer person. I used to have friends back then. I used to want to have friends. I sometimes ask myself, why I changed. When did I break? About 4 years ago I fell in love. I confessed to him and he said the usual, my feelings were unreturned. I felt embarassed. I cried a lot. Maybe I broke then. My heart did feel like breaking at the time, but I just can't be sure. Ever since then love has not touched my heart. I keep wondering if t...