Weight changes

In 2013 I decided to finally get out of the overweight BMI range, and go into the normal range. I went on a diet, exercised, and in about six months, I was successful. Weight is in kg, the rest in cm.

Date	Weight	Arm	Breasts	Below breasts	Waist	Belly	Hip	Thigh
2013.01.13.	71.5	31	100	86	86	101.5	105.5	65
2013.06.16.	62.6	29.5	94.5	80	79	92.5	99	59

So I went from this:

To this:

A definite improvement. My BMI went from 25.6, overweight, to 22.4, normal. I was pretty happy with my weight. Lost about 2-3 sizes in clothes, and had to get a mostly new wardrobe. I also fit into some older clothes. The reason why I was this weight to begin with was due to my Hashimoto's getting so bad, that my Thyroid glands were no longer functioning. This happened in 2007-2008, when I gained about 20kg in a year. I was diagnosed in 2008, and started taking thyroid hormone. It changed my life. I was always tired before. I could sleep for 48 hours on weekends. I never felt hungry, but no matter how little I ate, I was rapidly gaining weight. Over the weekends, when I hardly had energy to even stay awake, I sometimes barely ate anything. I couldn't stay awake long enough to make anything, or even eat. Once I started to take the hormone, I was no longer so sleepy, and could function properly. I still take the pill every morning, and go at least once a year for a check-up.

I struggled to lose weight from the 78kg that I was back then, but I got down to around 70kg by 2010. I could never get passed the 68kg mark. However, I decided that over 30 I should at least accomplish that, so with a lot of work, I managed to get down to a healthy weight. I was really happy with it, though I often thought that my ideal weight would be 58kg. I didn't hold out much hope for it though, because all my adult life I've been around 60kg before the big gain.

2014 didn't start out well for me. I kept having these accidents. In January I dropped a heavy stand on my foot. It didn't break, but the bone was bruised, and there was also some inflammation. It hurt when I walked too much, couldn't wear certain shoes, and it just all around made me want to put my foot up a lot. So no working out. In March I had another accident. I got on the trolley bus, and I was just about to go to an empty seat, when the driver started the bus in a way that I fell against the ticket puncher. It hurt my ribs. I was scared a bit that maybe a bit broke off, because my sort-of uncle died that way. He had an accident, and his only broken bone was a piece of rib that punctured his heart. Luckily I rarely break bones, but the only thing preventing me from having a panic attack was the presence of my mum, and I also figured that if my bone did fracture, it would hurt more. Then I was getting better, thinking of working out again. My foot was healing nicely, I could bend it without pain again. I wanted to get some work-out in, before I had a rather big birthmark taken off my back. The doctor warned me that he would have to cut, then sew me together, and I'd need to restrain my movement, because the wound would be right over the part of the shoulder blade that moved the most. Then before I could get a yoga class in, I fell ill with a nasty virus that took me out for two weeks, and left my whole digestive system in shambles. I had nausea from everything.

On the day when I had my little surgery, I also saw my gastroenterologist. She recommended Lactiv for my stomach, and I also kept having this pain in one side, so ordered a look at my whole digestive system with a scan. After my birthmark was off, and I had stitches for the first time in my life, the doctor advised my mum, who I brought because she would be bandaging the wound on my back for the next few weeks, about what I could and couldn't do. No water on the wound, of course. Then came the rest. No reaching down, up, lifting, bending, or basically anything that involved moving the muscles on my back. I discovered just how difficult my life for the next month would be, when I realise I had to ask mum to tie my shoes for me. It also hurt, and the sense of having something in my back never went away. Stitches removed 2 weeks later, no moving for at least another week. It was a lot of bother, but that birthmark was nasty, and with so much cancer in the family, I wasn't going to take any chances. All clear on the biopsy.

Meanwhile, my stomach was still feeling bad. So I decided to cut out all foods that was making it hurt. I ate a lot of French fries, because for some reason I never have a problem with potatoes. I didn't eat meat for a while, eggs, and a whole bunch of other stuff. In April I also realised that I was becoming allergic to nuts. When I ate them, my throat felt sore, so I stopped having them. It was hard, because I always loved nuts. I also stopped eating chocolate, since my favourite one was with nuts. I furthermore realised that when I ate stuff with refined sugar, I tended to feel panicky, and the more I ate, the more likely I was going to have an actual panic attack. Wheat was also something that I cut out. Then mum was reading a lot on nutrition, and we decided to try switching over to whole-wheat flour and spelt flour instead of white flour. I got a bread-maker in April at a discount, a really great one, and started to bake my own bread with it. After sort of cleansing myself for a while, I slowly re-introduced all foods, except for nuts, white flour, and refined sugar, which I substituted with cane sugar. For some reason, cane sugar didn't cause me to have any panic attacks. I tried honey as well, but that gave me the panicky feeling a bit later. I explained all this in June to my doctor, but she had no idea why sugar would do that to me. As a side effect, while I was trying to get off a potato based diet, the weight started to drop off. I would lose a kilo a day. I went to the doctor 55kg, and it wouldn't stop there. By then I was eating normally, but mostly made everything myself, and kept to using cane sugar, and spelt and whole-wheat flour. I got down to 51kg so quickly, I couldn't believe it. Then even while eating, I wasn't gaining! For the first time in my life, I realised that I was skinny, and could eat anything, as long as I avoided sugar and white flour. 

For about two months, I didn't recognise myself in the mirror. I've heard about this. Something in the body changes so fast, and so suddenly, that people have a body image discrepancy. When I thought of myself, I imagined the body in the bikini above. However, the mirror image was this:

Those are an EU size 36 shorts. 

My face was a lot narrower:

I had cheekbones!

I would literally not realise that it was my face in the mirror if I wasn't expecting a mirror to be there.

Some of my friends were getting concerned. Most of them had gotten to know me as an overweight person. Then I became a normal weight person. But suddenly losing so much, people would stop me on the corridor at work, asking what happened. In a way it was kind of weird. Most of the people assumed a terrible illness, and expressed concern. It kind of made me worried. Was I really healthy? The scan was really thorough, and now I have great pictures of my intestines, and the whole lot. All okay, perfectly healthy. The nausea was gone, and mostly the panic attacks subsided. So I was actually all right. There were also the people who thought that I must have worked out a lot, and dieted like crazy to get skinny. I really didn't do either, apart from my minor diet because of the bad digestion. In fact, for about a month I was almost constantly laying down.

For a while, I was afraid of buying new clothes. I was waiting for the scale to go up again. Then I noticed that if I ate regularly, 3 times a day, the scale stayed around 51kg. If I was too tired to have dinner, or just didn't feel like it, I would lose a bit by the next day. Then mum and I meet a doctor friend at a wine festival in September, and he told us that some doctors in Budapest that were private doctors, prescribed to their patents a diet of no white flour and sugar to lose weight.

Now, I'm still around 51kg, though mostly below. I sometimes eat stuff from white flour, or things with sugar, but never in a larger quantity. I only eat bread that I made, or mum did. I also don't buy any sweets at the stores. I sometimes think of chocolate. I got a few small bars of chocolate for diabetics, but frankly, I wasn't keen on it. I'd rather have muffins or cookies that I bake with spelt flour and cane sugar. It's kind of fun, because I do love to cook and bake. It's a passion of mine. Sometimes tiring though. I baked my first caramel apple pie, and it was wonderful. Mum baked poppy seed beigli for Christmas. It turned out great. She lost some weight as well. People still keep saying that I'm losing weight. The scale says no. I wouldn't mind gaining some muscle though, because I lost some of that too.

My ass is skinny. It's never been so small, and sometimes when I sit on a hard chair, my tailbone hurts. I'd like to gain some muscle there. I do find myself eating more protein, mostly a lot of eggs and bacon. No weight gain. So the project for next year is more muscle.

My breasts had never been so small. I had a good size at around 60kg. 80B, the most regular sized bra. Then when I was fat it was 85C. They were huge. Women with small breasts have no idea. My back hurt a lot. I would wear bras at home. I was also concerned, because it was more difficult to check them for lumps. They were just too big for comfort. Now they are actually quite small. 75B. I think the last time they were this size I was 13. I really don't mind. Buying shirts or jackets didn't get any easier though. My back also got smaller, so there is still a big difference between my front and my back. Luckily, my breasts are still a good size compared to my frame, and I bought push-up bras for the first time in my life. So the people in my future who would see them naked, or the person, will just have to like them the way they are. I do.

I'm buying small clothes. I need to buy a lot, so sales are my friend. I'm going into shops I stayed away from all my life. Even my PJs swallow me. Most of my clothes are less than a year old. I'm not throwing them out. I can't decide if it's because I expect to go back to 60kg, or just because they are pretty new, and I feel bad for not being able to wear them. Makes me wish there was an exchange, where I could just change all of them for a few sizes smaller.

I'm also more sensitive to cold now.

The numbers I keep staring at:

Date	Weight	Arm	Breasts	Below breasts	Waist	Belly	Hip	Thigh
2013.01.13.	71.5	31	100	86	86	101.5	105.5	65
2013.06.16.	62.6	29.5	94.5	80	79	92.5	99	59
2014.11.30.	50.8	25.5	86.5	75	69	80	87.5	50.5

This means that my BMI is now 18.2, which is officially underweight.

I also can't stop staring at my waist. I have a bit of extra skin issue on my belly, but I can see it slowly retracting.

So the task for next year is to gain some muscle. It'll probably mean eating more protein. I do have a bit of a problem with lifting weights. For some reason even the lightest weight gives me a headache, but not carrying home kilos from the store. So I'll have to start with working with my own weight. I've been reading up on nutrition and muscle gain, and they recommend carbs after a work-out. So I'll need to have dinner after working out, and not skip eating.