Depression


Damn it, I'm depressed again. I learned to put up a happy front in front of my flatmate as well. He was the last person I was slipping in front of in real life. So I smile for him and laugh.

Not when I'm alone. I distract myself with games and reading and watching and whateve I can find. But otherwise, I just want to stare in front of me and think of nothing.

Why? My life is empty. It has no meaning. I'm heading nowhere. At work people don't talk to each other, everyone is just buried in their computers, not taking any notice. When I once brought this up, my colleague said that everyone is working. In other places we could work and chat at the same time, or discuss stuff. Here it's just work. And they're obsessed! Everyone is doing overtime all the time and they don't even get paid for it. They even work during the weekend some times. I don't get it!

At belly dance we talk, but it's only there and meaningless chatter. No one is really making friends. And there are a lot of teens there.

Otherwise I'm just at home. I should find another place to go to. I just have no idea where to. I'm thinking of going to the Samhain festival. Just to have a look see. Maybe I'll make friends there. I've also considered going to salsa, but I only have one afternoon a week where I don't have a class and I usually work till late then.

I should make friends, but my depression is starting to make me really unfriendly. I'm such a failure.

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